The Journey Towards Self

April 23, 2010

The Book Of Life – 5

Filed under: Story — Uday Trivedi @ 11:56 am

The life of Vajrachitra has got specific purpose. That was the time when your spiritual growth had started. The meaning of Vrajrachitra is very esoteric. We have three principle nerves in our body. Ida, Pingala and Shushumna. The last one is responsible for spiritual growth. The outer layer of this nerve has two nerves called Vajra and Chitra. It is this nerve who has got one opening in Kundalini – a serpent life force coiled below sacro-coccygeal nerve. It then ascends through six major Chakras of body and merges into seventh chakra. In symbology, Draupadi is considered as Kundalini and five Pandavas as first five chakras. Thus, in this incarnation, you started awakening the kundalini – the spiritual power of self.

But you had some Karma unripe – Desire and jealousy. Desire for power to do good and jealousy for those who had power but doing insanely. Both seem right in the context of Rajas but Pure Sattva leaves even good desires.

While worshipping Draupadi, the spiritual power – you were uplifting the inborn spirituality of self within, the absence of ego made the progress faster. But at one crucial point of time, you got your five chakras functioning improperly. When these chakras become unbalanced, the life force from base can not reach to the medulla and seventh chakra. Thus, soul starts descending back. At that time, it is vulnerable to attacks of various Vrittis. Thus, at that time, desire became prominent and you, without proper life force, could not beat the desire. The desire then killed you – your spiritual aspiration and tried to take charge of Kundalini. If that life force comes under the rein of desire and ego, it does not flow inwards – crossing seven chakras and merging oneself with God, but flows outwards – in material plane and one indulges in sensual pleasures and mind.

You could still have beaten him had you not fought for your attachment. Positive attachment for life force and negative attachment for insanity. The attachment gave you desire. And when your desire was thwarted, it created anger. With anger you forgot all the wise lessons you had learned. And without that you missed your very nature. You seek spiritual fruits for your efforts. Well, you had to pay for that. The one which goes on the path of spirituality for the sake of it will have the purest seek. You still needed to be pure.

And you played different characters till your last life. You learned many new lessons, forgot many old lessons, ripen many Karmas, created many new Karmas and you went on from one life to another.

“OH MY GOD!” that were the only words I could say after completion of my revelation.

“But if I have been all these characters, why did I forget everything?” I asked.

“Because you always attached yourself with the new character such that you forget past ones. Notice that each time you have written I am Vajrachitra and I am Divakar. You have used ‘is” instead of ‘was’. That means you were still attached with your previous self after death. Such is our identification with physical body.” was the reply.

“What is the purpose of writing a book like that?”

“The book is written so that you can read it and understand about the triviality of life and the importance of upliftment process. So that you know that you have already learnt some lessons and you need not learn them again and need not forget those which you have already learnt. So that you know that you have already achieved everything many a times and you do not need to waste your life on such material goals which you make in each life. So that you know that you have already felt all the emotions and you do not need to wait for one in this life. So that you can understand that the only thing that you haven’t done so far is the realization of self and your very purpose of coming into this life is nothing but self realization. “

“But nobody learns all these.”

“They do. Some learn with greater speed. Some require more time to learn that.”

“But I have known them. So now I have fulfilled my purpose.”

“No. knowing and realizing are two different things. You have only known them. It would take more effort to realize them.

“But why then I have understood all these, NOW?”

“Because earlier, you haven’t cared to look at other pages of book of life. All it takes is one look at our own book.”

“Hmm…that is introspection, I suppose. Isn’t it?”

“Yes, Looking through Self, not mind.”

“Is everything predefined? Even my life cycles?”

“Nothing is predefined. God creates his plans at the very decisive moment. And that is why one can always change the future if one can change the present. After all, future is nothing but our extended present.”

“Can’t realization be attained faster?”

“It can be attained in a moment if one becomes one’s true Self. But that intensity would not come due to our own past Karmas.

“I think all my doubts are cleared. God, bless me so that I could attain you.”

“God is never separated from any Jiva.”

And so, I came here to start a new life, to learn something, to remember something, to realize something, and to write something like this in the last page of the book of life…

I am.


The Book Of Life – 4

Filed under: Story — Uday Trivedi @ 11:53 am

“So, this was the tale of guard of Draupadi! And that prince must have been Dushashan – Du means “difficult” and Shashan means “to control.” I was triumphant after solving the mystery.

“I really appreciate these stories. They have added something to me.” I acknowledged.

By that time, the light had become so radiant that it was impossible to keep my eyes open. So I closed them.

As there was no external diversion, I started wondering again about Where was I and how did I come there.

“Am I on other plane?”

Something, hard to explain, inside me told me the answer – YES

“Is this what people call as Intuition or meditation?”

YES – the answer.

I wondered. But at the same time, I was thrilled. People call it God inside you, soul inside you, voice of self, intuition, hallucination… whatever they say, I wanted to feel that.

“Where am I?” I asked.

NO ANSWER! May be this intuition or voice of soul answers only objective questions. Never worry. Let me ask one smart question.

“I can’t get subjective answers. Can I?” I asked.

YES!!! Oh! There must be a way. I concentrated hard to find how this objective answers can become subjective. I found it was nothing but changing the focus. Focus on subtle plane. Ask for more and you will get more. And it worked. After much effort, I felt like getting something more than yes and no. Now, I was de-mystifying the hidden mystery.

I became dead few moments ago. I am now at different plane where I am to stay for some time and then go for my next birth. The book which I was reading is nothing but collection of my own autobiographies. I have written each page after living one life. All these characters are nothing but me in previous lifetime. The last page of this book contains details about my last life.

All this revelation was so quick and shocking that I didn’t react at all for some time. How couldn’t I remember my death just few moments ago and started reading the book? And this idea of previous lifetime and my own stories in that book… Have I become mad or so? I opened my eyes and noticed that light was normal.

I hurriedly opened the last page of that book and read it. I regained my memory. Yes, it was about my life. Well, about my last life. But so what? How can I believe that I had previous lifetime and all the accounts given in this book relate to me?

“GOD, HELP ME! Reveal your mystery! Show me the truth!” I prayed.

I closed my eyes and a source of knowledge sprouted inside me.

“Why did I have to read this book – the book of life?” – I asked.

“So that you can learn your lessons which you ought to learn. Life is nothing but opportunities to learn lessons. “– the answer

“But I didn’t get any lessons from it. I simply read it. That’s all.”

“That’s the mistake you have been committing each time you came across the book. Each story has hidden meanings behind it.

The first story – story of Brahmavetas is about your inborn divinity.  You were born spiritual, born self. You got devoted father and mother to help you realize your path. As each material life adds some karmik bondage, all you were doing was to remove that bondage to merge yourself with that higher Self. You had deep compassion for all Jivas. That is why you helped that lioness and cubs. But when you thought: “I have saved them. “; you forgot your knowledge and became ignorant.  The idea of doer ship implanted ego inside you and now you were bound with the fruits of your doer ship. You were therefore connected with that lioness and two cubs through invisible thread of Karma. And it was going to take many lifetimes for you all to break that thread! You also prayed and urged god to have your present lifetime parents as your parents in next life. That bound three of you in next few lifetimes.

Your link with your previous life parents remained intact as they became your next life parents. This time also they gave you spiritual Sanskaras and you were on the path of spirituality. Your name has significant meaning. Brahmavetas means the one who is inclined towards Brahma – the path of realization. Now, you became Uttamanas – means that one that has got sound and calm mind. Thus, you descended from layer of Atma (Self) to the layer of mind due to inclusion of Ego.

In the role of Uttamanas, you had great liking of truth. But that truth was relative, not absolute. The truth the mind creates after judging some criteria can never be the absolute truth. You expected others to follow the truth. When one realizes absolute Truth, one does not ask and force others to follow the path simply because one then only respects GOD’s plans.

Needless to say that your three friends were that lioness and two cubs. The bond that was formed between you linked you all together in that life. Shashivrata – the incarnation of that lioness – was fond of lions and tigers for obvious reasons.  That day, when you were fearful of a lion – it was in fact the lion who had found somehow that Shashivrata had some relationship with lions. That is why he followed you. But at last he found his food and grabbed the boy. The boy had, however, other link with that lion.

The tribal chief behaved against the Dharma. But you followed him. It was destined that before any of you were killed, the mother of chief would come and save you. But you acquired great hatred and revenge inside you. You became insane by two qualities – attachment and anger. And you attacked the chief. He then killed you. Thus, you interrupted God’s plan. And it then required many lifetimes to correct that defect!

The lifetime of Divakar was the time when you had stopped going downward. It was a complex expression of yours. You were clearly penchant for the path of knowledge. But the Sanskaras and Vrittis that you gathered during your previous lifetimes had their definite impacts. So, even though you got higher knowledge of path, you got under the impression of these Sanskaras. One of such unfulfilled and unripe Sanskaras was greed for knowledge and fame. Though former was for good purpose, later one unbalanced you.

Your thoughts about cast system were right but the way you executed them showed that the overall system was correct. Those who can not digest the knowledge may make it dangerous for them and others. That is what exactly happened to you! You learned all things but could not digest them due to your past Sanskaras and it is rightly said that ignorance is better than half knowledge.

The son of King that helped you learn was none other than Shri Ram! It is strange that if he was god and knew that this knowledge was going to destroy the virtue of Ayodhya, then why he helped you. It was because that was destined. It was simply plan of God and you both were playing your parts.

Your frustration for recognition overcame your knowledge and you wrote that letter. Though the letter itself contained nothing wrong, due to the motive you had while writing, you got attached with it. You hated yourself and repented for your whole life for the work that required no remorse. You were simply playing your part. But as you did not know that, you wasted your last years in regret – the fruit of your work of writing that letter!

While that which you did not recognized was the plan superior and the fact that you were one of the characters of that plan. Sitaji is symbolic form of Bhakti. Ram is Brahma. Ravan represented Pride. If Bhakti has got even the slightest touch of pride, it can not reach the lord. The slightest hint of pride destroys very nature of Bhakti and the bond devotee and God shares, is broken. It was then the symbolism that preached this. Bhakti has two sons – Gyan (knowledge) and Karma (work) in form of Luv and Kush. Both of them have to walk on their path to reach to God – Ram. That is why initially they were away from Ram. Both met their father after considerable effort.  When Bhakti gets its purest form, the physical form vanishes. That is why Sitaji abandoned physical form and merged into Ram. But then you didn’t know one thing. The Maya is Strirupa (feminine) and Bhakti is also Strirupa. Therefore, Bhakti is seldom seduced by Maya. Sitaji never got a slightest touch of Maya.

The Book Of Life – 3

Filed under: Story — Uday Trivedi @ 11:52 am

“It must be the story of Dhobi of Ramayana! Yes, it has to be. Ayodhya, Vashishtha, eldest son, wandering in forest, kidnapping, War, letter, abandoned…all these are part of Ramayana!” I exclaimed.

“But I didn’t know anything about that Dhobi. Hmm…so he was learned and due to his greed for fame he wrote that letter. But why should Ram consider that letter seriously and send Sita to forest? In fact, I haven’t yet understood why Ram considered his father’s promise and went to forest for fourteen years?” I could not help thinking.

“Poor Divakar! He did not mean it when he wrote that letter. And he was guilty for his doings. He hated himself for the rest of his life. That makes enough justice to him. God bless his soul.” I concluded.

~ ~ ~

I am Vajrachitra. My father was a brave Kshatriy soldier of our kingdom. He fought and won many wars for his kingdom. I was trained from my childhood to master spear. At the age of ten, I could pierce small aim kept at 20 feet away with my spear. When I became young, I became guard at King’s palace.

One day, when I was practicing my weapon at Aayudhshala, our yuvaraj came. They we arguing about who is best at aiming. The first prince aimed and missed. While second was concentrating hard to aim, I shoot my spear towards the aim and hit it. They both became very angry after knowing that I hit the object. The one who had missed the aim was burning with anger and jealousy. I told them that I simply wanted to finish the game before second prince hit the aim so that there was no competition between them and nobody gets hurt. But they threatened me of punishment and went away.

“If for a single day I get the power, I would show them what I am…” I thought.

But when the day came, I could not do what I wanted to do.

I was appointed as chief guard of palace of Queen. During my job time, sometimes I got opportunities to meet our beautiful queen. She had got beauty of heaven with radiant black eyes and dark thick hair. She was not only beautiful; she had also learnt Vedas and weapons. She was dear to all of us. I used to worship her like Goddess.

One day, when I was performing my usual rounds at palace, she called me and told: “I very much appreciate your Bhakti and devotion for me. Do me a favor. Go to main palace and make sure that my husbands do not conduct anything which is against Dharma.” I did not understand much. Her husbands were very righteous men and never performed anything against Dharma. Before I could solve my puzzle, I saw one of our princes rushing towards the palace and shouting insane words.

He came near and shouted:” Now that your husbands have lost you, you are nothing but a maid. Put aside your pride and come with me like a servant. I’m your new master. My brother will be your new husband!”

ENOUGH! I could not tolerate such a barbaric behavior, not even of prince of our kingdom.

“Yuvaraj! Mind your language. You are talking with our Queen” I declared with anger.

“You – a guard, you are talking with such a tone to me?? How dare you?” He shouted.

“Dear Prince! If you want to take her to palace, take her with dignity. She is your sister-in-law. You should not behave like this to her.” I tried to negotiate.

“She is no Queen now. Her husbands have lost her in gambling. Now she is a maid. And I would treat her like that only. That is none of your business. Go to your post. NOW” He shouted again.

I was disheartened, puzzled, and angry at same time. I could not understand what to do.  What is my Dharma? Should I oppose the prince and get punishment? Should I let him fetch her and treat her insanely? What??

“Pardon me for that but you can not behave like this with our Queen.” I told him, hiding my childhood hate for him.

“And you will stop me? You?” he laughed like a mad man.



I knew that he was very proud from his childhood. The meaning of his name was – “someone who is hard to control, rule on”. I always envied him from my childhood – for all the services he got and all the power he had. And now, here was something that involved two persons with whom I was attached more than anyone else. She – I adore more than anyone and he – I hate more than anyone.

“Let me fight and kill his pride” – I decided.

I took my spear and went for fight. He was ready. He had got Gada – a weapon he had mastered. I attacked him first. He deflected my spear with his Gada.

He then hit me with his weapon. It hit me badly on my back. He was laughing and shouting insane words. I stood up and started fighting again.

Our fight went on for some time. But then I realized that with my powerless Queen and absence of her husbands, I was no longer powerful. I hoped that with our fight extending for more time, somebody may arrive that could oppose the prince and settle the issue. But I was being hit constantly and wounded deeply. Finally, I slipped on the feet of Queen.

“Pardon me O Queen! For I could not save you! Pardon me!” I cried and asked myself: for what I have fought this? For Dharma? Or for my attachment – positive and negative? Before I can fix one answer, one spear permeated me and I was gone!

The Book Of Life – 2

Filed under: Story — Uday Trivedi @ 11:51 am

“Where am I?” I thought.

“The place is highly illumined. I can’t figure out the source of light! It seems like light is coming from everywhere!”    

“There is nobody here! How did I come here?” I could not remember exactly how I came there. So I left the effort.

“Hmm..! so I was reading a book! Which book?” I shifted the book to see the title.

THE BOOK OF LIFE – it read.

“The book of life! Hmm… so it’s a sort of biography. Biography of certain persons. But who are they? And only one page per person? It’s very short account.

As there were no clues of this place, people around and no other work to do, I thought reading that book would be the perfect solution for my solitude.

I regretted the fact that I was unfamiliar with both those persons whose biographies were given in first two pages. I hoped to find some familiar persons in the next few pages.

Then I skimmed over pages to find someone familiar. But all were strangers to me! However, I noticed something. There were some biographies that had got more than one page (I do not like short accounts). And more importantly, the biographies in the lower half of book had got modern names (I was not comfortable with names like Brahmavetas and Uttamanas).

“So! Let me start reading the book from middle. That would make my life easier!” I thought. And I started reading that mysterious looking book from around the middle…

~ ~ ~

I am Divakara. It’s one of the names of Surya. It means the one who illuminates the world and dispels darkness. But contrary to that, my whole life went into the darkness and agony.

I was a son of one washer man. Right from my childhood, I was trained to wash cloths all the day. I had a great liking for learning from my childhood. But we were never sent to any school for learning. My father said: “As a Shudra – the lowest cast in cast-system, we are not supposed to learn anything. It is the work of higher casts”. I could never understand how a cast can decide the right to learn anything!

When I was twelve, I got one opportunity for learning. In Vashishtha Ashram, one person was required to wash the cloths of those who were either ill or very young to do it by themselves. I was more than glad to go there.  When I reached there, I found the wisdom and peace in very air of Ashram. There were sons of King, Brahmins, Khshtriyas as pupils in Ashram. I found sons of our own king in the Ashram. I started to spend most of the day and night hours in Ashram. I used to wash clothes in night and listen to the learning from a distance in daytime. That way, I learned many things.

One day, when I was hiding nearby the class to listen the serene speech of Guru Vashishtha, suddently one pupil came to me and took me to Guruji. I was very afraid and shivering heavily from fear. But the pupil said in very calm words:” Guruji, this brother wants to learn from you. But due to some fear, he did not come to you and instead hid around the class to learn from your teachings. I urge you to make him your disciple and teach him.”

Guruji asked about me. I told him that I was a son of dhobi. He then asked me why I wanted to learn. I said “It is our dharma to learn and get ourselves liberated.” I didn’t know how I said that. It seemed like words came out of me by themselves. Guruji was satisfied and said:”It is not the cast that is to be seen. It is the self that is to be seen. If one is pure by heart, one can learn everything. I accept you as my disciple. Hereafter, stay in the Ashram and learn the wisdom.”

I tried to thank the pupil who took me to Guruji. But he went away. Later on, I found that he was the eldest son of our king. At Ashram I learned all the sacred scriptures like Vedas, Upanishadas, Puranas, Sanhitas, Darshans and Shashras.

When I was twenty-two, I had to come to my home due to poor health of my parents. That did hinder my study. Then after, I could not go back to Ashram. After long illness, both my parents left their bodies. I was then the eldest of my siblings. I started working as a washer man.     

Thus, my life went on without any noticeable incident till my late sixties. All these years, I was desperate to show my knowledge and wisdom to others but nobody listened and appreciated me. Those who were my relatives and friends could not appreciate because of their own ignorance and those who had knowledge and wisdom did not care to listen to me because I was born in lower cast! What an unfortunate agony! My days and nights passed in dreams of preaching and radiating my wisdom to all…

Finally that opportunity came. Our king’s eldest son had come to kingdom with his queen after wandering many years in forests. During that time, King of Lanka kidnapped his wife and he fought with him to salvage her. He was then our new king. When I heard that, I thought of advising him about his Dharma. I did not have the courage to go there and tell that to king, so I wrote a letter without sender’s name and preached all I wanted to.

O Descendent of great fighter Raghu !

             Pranam ! I am a member of your kingdom and well-wisher of yours. I want to advice you about your Dharma and conduct.        

        We all have heard the story of your battle with that King. You have certainly glorified your ancestors by winning this virtuous battle. But you have forgotten your Dharma in accepting your wife without any testimony. It is said that a virtuous man should always accept only that which is pure, sattvik and virtuous. Your wife has stayed at that king’s place. She may have got any Tamsik Vrittis, knowingly or unknowingly. It is advised in Shashtras to arrange one testimony ceremony to purify all the demonic and Tamsik Vritties of person or thing before accepting it whole-heartily. If the person is found to have any demonic qualities left, one should be sent to a holy place where one can stay in solitude and attain pureness and wisdom of mind.

            I, therefore, as a person of knowledge and wisdom, advice you to stick to your Dharma and send your wife to holy place to purify herself.

                                                                                                            – Your well wisher 

I did not anticipate the turmoil that followed after this. The king, being a sthitpragya and ideal administrator, immediately abandoned his queen by saying that: “Even if any one person believes it is against Dharma to accept my wife, I should obey the command.” The queen went to stay in forest with life in her womb. Whole kingdom was drowned into deep agony.

The act that was solely made to satisfy my own greed of appreciation turned out to be a vital blow for the virtue of king and kingdom of Ayodhya! Here was the king, who had asked Guru Vashishtha to teach me in Ashram and who abandoned his wife for the sake of his kingdom, and here was I, who ruined everything because of my one unthoughtfull did. Everyone hated that unknown person who sent that letter to the king! I also hated that person till the end of my life.

Not all Divakars have a fortune to illumine the world with radiance of wisdom; some of them have a job to prevail darkness! After all, darkness is nothing but the veil of ignorance! Certainly, I belonged to later category!

The Book Of Life – 1

Filed under: Story — Uday Trivedi @ 11:50 am

It was the time in 2004 when I was thinking about Karma and reincarnation. I was not very clear about them. So I wrote this story to get some clarity. The result is “The Book of Life”.  Being bit long, I will put it in parts. Here is the first part.

~                   ~                    ~

There is no question about my life. I am Brahmavetas. My father was Yogodhar, a Rishi. My mother, Sannidhi was a pious devotee of Hari. When I was in her womb, she chanted Holy Bhagvat Puran and Bhagvad Gita. People said that I was born with Rishi Sanskaras. My childhood was spent along with Yajnas, Vedik Ruchas and self-discipline lessons.

        My father taught me about Brahma and Moksha. The highest realization of absolute self is the prime aim for every Jiva. I was on the path of realization. Then something strange happened.

        I was having some work at a nearby village. It was late in the evening. While coming back through a forest, I heard moaning of a creature. When I searched for it, it happened to be a lioness and two cubs, lying under a cliff. The lioness was looking very weak as she didn’t give any response to my appearance. Within few moments, I understood everything. She had a broken leg and wounded rib. She could not go for hunting. And she and her cubs were starving.

        “How can I help them?” I thought. There was only one way I could help them – By offering myself to them. Within seconds, I took the decision. I said inside myself: “Holy mother and father, you have given me vedik Sanskaras to sacrifice myself to help others. I am fortunate enough to have you both as my parents. But my desire to serve you has not fulfilled yet. I urge God to have both of you as my parents in next life so that I can serve you and pay my debt.”

        And I came nearer to lioness and slept by her side. The lioness tried to move but due to severe weakness, could not move an inch. I then took a sharp stone, dug it into my arm and let the blood flow into her mouth. It was only after this; she got sufficient strength to move and came on me. The last thing I remember was the shine in her eyes and one thought running in my mind – “I HAVE SAVED THEM.”

~ ~ ~

        It is strange how we divert from our path to destination. People say Sanskaras are responsible for it. I say destiny is.

        I am Uttamanas. I was one of the sons of Saint Deveshawar and Devi Purnima. My father and mother were ardent devotees of Shri Hari. I was very proud of them. The only thing I hated from my childhood was falsehood. I couldn’t bear false. I always speak truth and expect others to speak the truth. I had three friends. They all were very wise and intelligent. They were my virtual self. Nobody could separate us.

        Once, one of my friends – Shashivrata, who was fond of wild life creatures – especially tigers and lions, asked us to visit the nearby forest. We all agreed. On one bright day, we started our journey through hills, ponds, valleys and deep forest. We were in such an enthusiastic mood that we were talking very loudly. Suddenly one sound of hissing of one creature made us silent. We guessed right. It was lion. We all started running to save ourselves. I could not think where to go. So I follow Shashivrata. He seemed to know that region well. Eventually, he told me while running hard that there was one tribal community nearby. We ran hard to reach there. But Alas! There were some children playing there. Before we could warn them, the lion came and grabbed one child and vanished! We were totally dumbstruck! It was only when some tribal came running, I got my senses back! The children told them about the incident and they caught and tied us!

        When we were brought to the chief tribal, he blamed us for the loss of child and pondered to kill us in punishment. I tried hard to explain them that it was only an accident and we had no intentions except saving our lives. But nothing convinced them. I became very angry. Those insane and cruel persons! They were going to kill us because of that unfortunate incident upon which no one had power! It was very decisive moment. ”If I want to save our lives, I have to do something right now.” I said to myself. I grabbed one sword nearby and tried to stab the chief of the tribal. But he was more prepared than I thought. He got himself back and stabbed me with his sword. Within moments I realized that I was going to be over! “Oh! My realization…my Sadhana…All these are going to be in vain! After much effort, I have come to this stage and now I would have to start all from that scratch! All this is because of these cruel people! I would kill all these in my next life! I will certainly”. I was full of revenge. I saw them revengefully and darkness permeated me…

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